Posted in Life Lessons, Uncategorized

The Why of Tall Brick Walls

It’s a new year, so I might as well admit that my life has been on hold. For much longer than it feels good to admit, actually. And it’s not that I’m not happy, because I really am. It’s just that feeling like I’m waiting for the real deal to begin. Which is even stupider than even I thought I had the capacity for, and I don’t give myself much credit for making solid life choices.

All I’m doing is cheating myself with this philosophy of a real, genuine dummy. I deserve to soak up this one wild, precious life as it is, as it has been, and as it will be.

My mistakes are many, my judgment calls – especially when it comes to love – have a history of being real shifty. In the last few weeks, I’ve shared a lot of my heart and past with some new people. I’m lucky because I’ve met some friends recently who I genuinely wanted to invite to my story. It’s not often that I let someone in to know me. To sense the heartbreak, to run their hands along the tall brick walls that I’ve built around my heart.

But the explanations of the reasons for why those walls are there don’t do any healing on their own. It’s three days into 2014, and without really trying, I’m finally figuring out what I’m doing – what I’ve done – with all of those explanations. How we deal with being dealt a shitty hand or a sad and lonely decade tells the world who we are and in what we believe. And I want to show a story of courage and love; maybe even of forgiveness.


When we think about the terrible things people do to one another. Usually those things are done in the dark; behind closed doors of secrets and lies. Because everyone wants the world to think they are okay. So when we experience a terrible thing, we understand without having to be told {usually} that we shouldn’t speak of it. And then shame and fear and denial start running the show, and we feel like that is just what life feels like.

But that is a lie that the secret of abuse and manipulation creates. I don’t want to behave like those who have mistreated me behave. I finally feel like shining some light on the lies, on the fear, on my story.

Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do. – Brene Brown

And it wasn’t until now that I realize that I’ve never polished and finished many of my stories. I’ve lived the victory of the aftermath, but no one around me knows the full picture. I’ve JUST started sharing my explanations and reasons. And the full story is where the healing happens. The explanations and reasons coupled with the victories and the defeats are magic. I’ll learn a lot, and maybe you’ll learn a little too.

I don’t know who I am…all I know is that I should. – Missy Higgins 

It’s time to put the pieces together. To share what I’ve done with shitty hand I was dealt once or twice. I’m proud of where I’ve gotten, and my prayer is that I might touch the hearts of those who may need it too. And while I’m putting some pieces together, I’m starting a new project to appreciate the moments that happen every day also.

So, I’d love for you to join me over at Blessing Bomb where I plan to share a photo each day to remember 2014 in its entirety. Small moments and some big ones will be the guests of honor over there. I hope you like it.


2 thoughts on “The Why of Tall Brick Walls

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s