Posted in Finding My Own Brand of Success

Decide Who To Be and Go Be It

When did you decide who you were? Have you been a steady Eddie, always true to particular preferences, character traits, personality? Or have your experiences shaped your evolution of beliefs and choices?

I used to feel like I was on a defined path: I was going to be a high school English teacher molded after a great one I learned from, would get married, and someday start a family. Life was all laid out for me, I just had to stay steady, which was not a problem because I was just going through the motions. All of the decisions had been made already. {hahaha!}

There is freedom in not having decisions to make. And maybe you get lucky, and when you are faced with decisions, you’ll make those that you’ll be happy to keep.

Here’s some real talk: 23 year old, newly married me imagined a much different life for 33, almost 34, year old me. And, of course, when you look backward, it’s immediately apparent where you gravitated toward delusions. But even in the moment, I had a naive idealism about the life I was beginning. Once the physical separation truly “stuck,” as in: he left his key behind when he left me the sixth time, I faced overwhelming terror. By that point, I was falling in love with someone else, but all the same, it was scary to be all alone in an apartment I couldn’t afford and a life I wouldn’t have signed up for with a gun to my head.

But that’s just where I started. That was the starting line I had to cross to become who I am. Turns out, evolution is much more my style, and for that I am grateful.

Start

And, oh the decisions I have had the privilege of making on this marathon since the start.

Making friends to party with into the wee hours of wild Washington DC weekend mornings.
And then finding friends who last into forever.
Falling in love without deciding too, and ultimately deciding to call it quits. Again.  And again.
First dates, new puppies, moving closer to new family members, and finding a home.
Getting involved in a community I love and finding connections, most notably, to myself.
Finally figuring out that my story is something to be shared rather than to hide from.
 

We all have to decide who to be, and not making a decision about the dreams you chase is a decision too. Build your life.

 

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