Posted in My Unsettled Heart

Life: It’s Funny


Do you ever look around at the life you’re living and take a moment to appreciate all of the lucky circumstances that got you to where you are? For me, it’s truly amazing how different my life looks than the one I’d pictured 15 years ago, but I know I’m blessed, even if I have a long way to go.

I came from a small town and was raised to be happy with a neat and tidy small life. That’s what I expected when I graduated from college – marrying a “nice” guy, settling down, having an okay job and starting a family. I expected I’d live the same life my parents did – {although I wouldn’t have admitted that, after all, I was moving to Washington, DC and I was going to be different, damn it!} – and I don’t think I wished for anything more.

I didn’t expect to be separated with a year of marriage or divorced within 3. But how lucky am I not to be tied to someone I didn’t truly love living a life of desperate hope that it would be enough.

The life I built for myself by staying in Washington for 3 more years after we separated was something I couldn’t have imagined when I first found myself terrifyingly alone. But I did it, and I thrived {well, not financially exactly, but} in all the ways that mattered.

Kansas happened kind of out of the blue, and I’m so glad it did.

Jobs I’ve interviewed for that I didn’t get but led to something entirely different.

People I’ve met who have become my family. Experiences I’ve grabbed if only to prove to myself I could complete a copy-writing class or climb a giant rock or foster a dog only to find myself temporarily heartbroken in the end.

Relationships have disappeared too, and I guess that’s what happens when you figure out what you want and what you deserve and what you will tolerate… not everyone fits in the same shape you’ve reserved for them in your heart. Some grow to take up more space and edge others out permanently.

Life… it’s funny. And it’s so beautiful.

And Robert Frost is right: it goes on. Oh-bla-di-oh-bla-dah! So we might as well make it the best one we possibly can. {No worrying, and no fear of missing out!}


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