Posted in Sometimes I Run, Trial and Error

Not the Healthiest of Perspective

This may be obvious, but I don’t always have the most heightened sense of balanced perspective. But it’s not that I don’t recognize this fact, luckily enough. Sometimes this recognition doesn’t stop me from pursuing the crazy, half-baked notions that pop into my head, though.

For instance, my head is currently batting around ideas all cat-like, and I’m just trying to keep up. Things like: where do I want to live? … how do I get out of this funk? … when am I going to figure out a *real* career path? … I definitely need another Xanax… I don’t even know what I LIKE to do anymore, much less LOVE … overwhelm me.

Couple that with my rediscovered running {not-yet} habit, and I get a little crazy. In an effort to ignore, or outrun, my never ending second guessing, I think somewhere along the way I made the choice to become obsessed. I decided that I would run as much as I can, and to push the limits – and there are pretty defined limits at this point for me – of my skills and energy. Instead of following my skillfully designed program, I push my runs to last as long as I can breathe. And I know this is a one-way ticket to an injury.

It’s stupid, I know, but in an effort to ignore what’s going on, I literally have the urge to run from it as fast and as long as my legs will carry me.

The lesson: Currently, I don’t know myself. But once I do {and I will!}, I will find the confidence in the path my life takes.

So, while I try to reign in my obsessive running, I know I need to sit down with myself and feel all of the things. To figure out what I need in my life in order to feel like I want to feel, I need to start paying attention.

{And noticing, and journaling, and all of the things I mentioned in my last post. I did mean it. I just have been too busy running to do any of it yet.}

And in the meantime, I guess, appreciate the fact that my escapist obsession isn’t whisky. At least at the moment.


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