Today is just one of those days. You know the kind – it’s hard to put a finger on why it’s a bad day, but it just is. I’m in a funk. I’m not mad at anyone. Work is fine, albeit boring. My level of annoyance is pretty much at its constant level. But the day is just plain old-fashioned *blech!*
On days such as today – no matter how amazing I have been at regularly gyming it – I will eat unhealthily. It is simply a fact of life. Today, a 12-piece order of cheesy tots from Burger King rose to the top of the ongoing (and on-growing) list of my unhealthy addictions.
Naturally, I hit the road for the local Burger King. Ok folks, this “local BK” is obviously located within the city limits of Topeka. Which means this: my expectations are always low. Very low. But I have never had trouble of any significance with the place. And I still haven’t… technically. However, it’s a freaking good thing that cheesy tots are so delicious, or this trip to BK would not have been worth it.
My experience in play-by-play fashion (and in outline format because I want to. Get your own blog if you don’t like it.):
- Leave the office at 9:30 because an hour and a half was seriously the longest I could hold out without some comfort food this morning.
- Drive in Topeka traffic (which is definitely unique to other cities… trust me!) for 4 minutes to BK. For those lucky bastards not in the know: Topeka traffic generally means at least 10 mph below the speed limit, behind a rusted out POS, whilst avoiding several jaywalking folk straight from the double-wide, with no use of turn signals (this fact is not unique, I know, but remains equally annoying here).
- Arrive at the drive-thru and stop behind two cars currently at the order board.
- Five minutes later, now boxed in by another faithful patron (surely), the first car at the order board finally proceeds.
- Five minutes later – with at least 3-car lengths open in front of him/her, the car directly in front of me has yet to move from the order board. Meanwhile, I rock it out on phone solitaire.
- A few more minutes later, I finally get my day in the sun to place my BK order, and this is what I hear: “Please wait to place your order.” To which I respond in a friendly, “OK.”
- I sit there forever. And I recognize that it feels like an eternity… especially in drive-thru time (which has got to equal approximately 1 year for every 6 minutes or something). HOWEVER, there is NO NEED to honk at me, skank two cars behind me! I’m not moving. You know why? Because I haven’t place my order yet!
- One minute later, bitch continues to honk.
- After a total of what equals 3 losing games of phone solitaire, dude finally reconnects with me to take my measly order of a 12-piece cheesy tots and a large Coke (a.k.a. nectar of the gods. People, I would do almost anything for a fountain Coke. I am in love.)
- I creep forward. This is ridiculous.
- I am thinking (after another 5 minutes has passed without a successful “land” at the window that holds my cheesy tots), “they really should make escape exits off of this drive-thru. I would have bailed without thinking twice. Which, I realize to myself, is the beauty of this shit hole’s design. Once they’ve got you, they’ve got you. You’re stuck, and you might as well clog your arteries to fit in with the rest of Topeka after you’ve wasted half an hour of your life in line.
- I reach the window at which I see all of the following: my cheesy tots, the dude with the drive-thru headset on (who, by the way, clearly has no intention of making a transaction with me in the near future), another faithful BK employee who – bless her heart – is missing at least 4 of her very crooked teeth and has likely not bathed in 6-8 days, a sign with an 800 # to call with feedback (WOW… are they kidding?!?!), and the large Coke that I have been craving since I ordered it approximately 15 minutes ago.
- I wait another 3 minutes before I receive my order.
- My cheesy tots are fabulous.
- My Coke is basically carbonated water of light brown color. BARF.
Thanks, BK! You’ve definitely improved my day! The sad thing is, it still kind of did.
** This post should probably be filed as another “Only in Topeka” post. Seriously, who wants to come visit?