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My Inner Monologue: Winter Driving

On my way to work this morning on the stretch of I-70 between Lawrence and Topeka – on a cold morning following a somewhat pathetic ice storm the night prior – several thoughts went through my brain.  In an attempt to vent and basically entertain myself, I’ve decided to paraphrase:

  1. If there is no ice on the actual roadway, I think it is safe to assume that the speed limit can serve as our guide for pacing the drive on K-10.  Certainly not 30 mph, you cowardly douche.
  2. I understand that the cowardly douche directly in front of you in the far left lane is not driving more quickly than those to the right of him/her, or even the speed limit for that matter, but please do not continually drift onto the shoulder in a lame attempt to encourage them to merge left.  I happen to be the car directly behind YOU and all you’re managing to accomplish is spewing leftover ice particles all over my car and into the interstate for me to maneuver.  You need to do what any respectable driver would do: stay in your lane and resort to whatever vulgar gesture floats your boat.
  3. To the breezy in the SUV: please do not ride my ass in the CENTER LANE like an absolute maniac (as I maintain a constant 82 mph) only for me to merge right for you so you can box me in behind slow-moving homeboy in the Acura.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know your vehicle is much more equipped for winter driving (of which we’ve seen almost none yet this year), but you are driving recklessly and you make me want to drive more recklessly too.  If only to annoy you as much as I am annoyed by you.  I am fully aware of how childish this makes me, because I’m also blasting Britney through my speakers… but I am who I am.
  4. Wow!  Britney Spears really does make this drive more enjoyable!
  5. I really despise / don’t understand the highway patrolman who consistently sits on the on-ramp from the Topeka service area.

I can tell already that this is going to be a long and frustrating winter for me as a superior driver. :o)

Right after I originally posted, I ran across this article on MSN… PERFECT!


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