Time Becomes an Issue… you know, when you’re sifting through obsessions
Posted: April 12, 2011 Filed under: Finding My Own Brand of Success, Sewing Projects Leave a comment »Do you ever feel like me – like the week and especially the weekends just get away from you? Like you never have quite enough time to start everything you wanted to accomplish… and as for the the finishing, well that’s another story!
{Remember Gussy Sews? She wrote a post about time management today too.}
And things seem even worse now that I’m on a mission to figure it all out. While I’m trying to find my favorite obsession {or two} to pour myself into, time management on its own is becoming a time suck.
So instead of logging hours at my sewing machine, I’m asking questions like: How many to-do lists is too many? What if I use one day planner for budgeting, Google Calendar for personal appointments and Outlook for work? How do I manage all of the distracting pop-up “friendly reminders?” And how the HECK am I supposed to get anything done when season 4 of Alias is so damn addictive?
Last night, I conquered the first step. I didn’t even turn my TV {Alias} on until I had run my creativity and drive down to nothingness. At 11:30, Alias came on to lull me into sleep – yeah right! I was so proud of myself!
On a related note: Britney Spears is oddly motivating when combined with a sewing machine and enough wound bobbins to last an entire evening.
OF COURSE anything is possible… you just can’t do it all at once
Posted: April 11, 2011 Filed under: Finding My Own Brand of Success | Tags: Freaking Out!, Goals, Purpose Leave a comment »I have always been someone with a lot of passions – or at least things that I wanted to try to be good at. And it seems like as I get older, my interests only grow in number. However, with all of these passions floating around in my head, it’s hard to focus. I am at the point in my life in which I want to start chasing a dream… a REAL dream, which {unfortunately} is more than simply a paycheck.
I know I’m not alone here. There are lots of resources and a John Mayer song referencing a quarter-life crisis. Granted, I’m past 25, but I’m in a place in which I want to find a bigger meaning and purpose. Sure, a job is great, but a dream is what I want to be living.
So I’ve started some projects to help me evaluate and shake up the things I think I love until only a few rise to the top.
{* If you are interested in starting this process for yourself, I’d like to introduce you to Molly and Kate for starters. *}
One of the first steps in my work is daily journaling, which is pretty new to me despite my love of writing. And sometimes I’ll take a glance at my daily prompt and think “there’s nothing to THAT… what might that possibly tell me that will help me find ME?” And once I get started writing and thinking and writing some more, my perspective has completely shifted. It’s weird. But oh-so-obviously EXACTLY what I need at this point in the ballgame.
So anyway, while I’ve been busy thinking and sifting, I’ve also been caving in to my numerous passions. And I’m sifting because I know that one person can’t do it all at once, but that the shine from a passion should not be hidden and thus wasted. So, I’m giving some things a shot, and my other passions may stick around too… just a little more in the background.
Sewing has taken a head-first dive into my list of passions, and I’ve dreamed about creating things that I’m proud of, and things that other people might actually spend money on, that I’m finally just going for it. And I’m privileged to be able to “go for it” with my sister. And I can’t wait to share some of our own stuff, but for now, here are a few of my favorite sites for inspiration!
When I read about sewing, I daydream about learning how to do it well enough to make clothes a la Project Runway. Or to open a consignment store in which I could adapt clothes to be more stylish or provide a custom fit. I fantasize about all the baby quilts I could make for all of the friends having little ones, or the awesome pillows I could make for my own bed. Ah… see why the sifting is a necessity? I lose focus way too easily!
Oh, and cooking is still ranking right up there on the passion list. Oh, how I’d love to own a catering company someday! Or a bed and breakfast where I’d have a houseful of new people every weekend as guinea pigs for my latest recipe! I wish I had links to the awesome chicken Thai soup I made last week, or of course the Irish car bomb cupcakes that were as exquisite as they sound. But here are some of my recent foodie finds too:
- How Sweet it Is
- Food Buzz – which will take you to recipes that are pure gold!
And, I’d love to run a pet boarding business where my multiple rescue dogs could roam and befriend all of the guests! And what about writing that book? And, since my camera recently bit the dust, why not invest in a DSLR and take a class or something? And I’d sure better keep running because I just signed up for THIS! How about a garden? Don’t I want to grow my own herbs and tomatoes again this year? What about the little evergreens that could be planted in pots to flank my front door? {I’ve always had a thing for those tiny evergreens!}
Whoa… talk about needing some direction, eh? Well, at least I’m not boring! Overwhelming? Sure. Boring? Not a chance.
A Long Way Defined… {with a bouncy ball}
Posted: March 25, 2011 Filed under: Finding My Own Brand of Success | Tags: divorce, gratitude, lessons learned, too honest? Leave a comment »In my return to my precious blog, I realize that I might better define my “long way.” More than just a favorite song, for awhile now it seems as though I’ve developed an annoying need to learn lessons the hard way, which has resulted in my taking the scenic route – if you will- to figure out exactly what my life should look like. My long and hard ways toward happiness were not always the case, though. As a kid I was steady, while emotional and overly sensitive, I had goals and plans and dreams and was not easily swayed. In college, however, a shift occurred; one that seemed to shake the core of my beliefs and left them uncertain, questionable and at times completely off the map. My life during my 20’s was unfamiliar to me, but ultimately defining. And now at 31, I’m determined to take that decade of pressure to shine.
In my Friday blog devouring tradition, I stumbled across a quote from Josh Groban. When the singer turned 30 he commented, “My 20s have been filled with a lot of trial-by-fire moments and uncertainty, but I’m going to enjoy my 30’s the way I should’ve enjoyed my 20’s.”
Whew… trials by fire are right! Oh the stories I could tell about the life I lived from 20 to 30. In the interest of time… and, well, interest, I’ll summarize. Enjoyment of any kind played no role in a three-year “courtship” that resulted in an 11-month unhappy marriage; an experience blanketed in neglect, dissatisfaction and hopelessness and studded with cruelty, dishonesty and regret.
The uncertainty of many peoples’ 20’s is part of the learning process. Bouncing from one relationship to another, from one job to a better one, from friends’ couches on difficult nights, from bar to bar for just “one more,” from a stranger’s apartment to a cab ride home, is nothing more than the experiences that add up to life. And perhaps all that bouncing is due to the naivety and hopefulness of a life we are not quite ready for.
For me, though, I saw the things of my dreams as attainable for friends and family – things like pretty weddings highlighted by love rather than the joy that might come from a fourth glass of champagne; the excitement of building a cozy first home together even if it amounts to a one-bedroom apartment; the adventure of trying your hand at cooking for the first time to be met with encouragement rather than a wrinkled nose and pizza delivery. And when met with blinding disappointment, I thought that something was wrong with ME rather than the situation.
And so I started looking for what might make me right. What might make me good enough. What might make me not fail at the one thing I saw as a given. I mean, to stay married, you just had to avoid getting divorced, right?! Until you’re there at the crossroads of the pieces that remain your life and where someone else demands it go, you don’t realize how painful that kind of “love” can be. You can almost feel the blistering burn of that wedding band on your hand. So I bounced.
From the false security of my marriage – I mean DIRECTLY, as in the futon was still warm – a relationship emerged that felt right. “Right,” as in less wrong than what came before, I suppose. In a year, that “right” became anything but, and the experience equated to nothing more than the first bounce from the release of a hand named divorce on the rubber ball that came to symbolize my life.
That rubber ball of a life was mine for almost ten freaking years.
My kind of bouncing gave me the determination to quit two miserable jobs, caused the demise of several relationships [only one regrettably], gave me friends who live in cities across the country, required I seek the devotion only a trusting puppy can [and still does] provide, challenged finances, and bonded me to my family because we learned we didn’t NEED that bond but that we truly wanted it.
Now, I know I’m well past the thrilling bounce from 29 to 30, but the sentiment remains no less true to my current reality. In the year and a half since I ventured into my fourth decade of life, I am happy to have maintained some of what made my 20’s bearable and maybe even rewarding: a curiosity about a variety of life experiences from new friendships to revisited loves and the ability to grant and receive second chances.
However, in my 30’s I’ve also learned a valuable lesson; one I wasn’t at all familiar with in my 20’s: the power of injecting gratitude into every part of my life. And that gratitude is making my 30’s genuinely enjoyable. Perhaps the way my 20’s should have been… but I don’t believe that. I trust that my 20’s gave me the very ability to enjoy life. And that is a gift.
Of course, mistakes are still a very large part of life. 30 years don’t make you immune to your humanity, trust me. But my self-worth is no longer equated to the strength of a broken heart. I know that no one else can make me happy, but I will sure look for someone who I am happy to have in my life.
I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I certainly know better who I am. So while I may still bounce a little, my perspective is clear. {And my bounces will be small.}
Keep it Real
Posted: March 13, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »In follow up to my long-winded Valentines Revolution post, I have received some great feedback. Unexpectedly, but happily, a lot of it has been focused on the impressions that I am being true to myself, and more importantly that I know who I am and am committed to being authentic to that girl.
In short, I’m happy that my blog read that way. But… I have to be honest. I’m not so sure I’m really, really know who I am. I mean, I get the basics and I love so many things about myself, but I also really feel like a work in progress.
My Valentines post was more about my desire to build a life that is at its best RIGHT NOW. I’ve vowed to myself that I am going to stop waiting for the good stuff to start. And it’s not like I needed convincing because I am really content and happy with where I am right now. I am where I’m supposed to be… of that, I’m sure.
BUT, because you guys think I’ve got myself all figured out (relatively), I am inspired to actually figure it out.
And there are a few things that pop to mind when I start thinking out my figure-it-all-out list. The Single Woman had a great Ustream session tonight and one of the most poignant points she made – in my opinion – was that she wants to develop the same traits that she is looking for in her future soul mate (I call them great loves only because I don’t like the thought of only “one,” blah, blah). And I LOVE this concept. I’ve thought before of being the kind of person I would want to date, but I’ve never thought about it this specifically before. And I’m inspired, so here are a few things that I’m looking for, and traits that I want to develop myself:
- Creativity - I definitely want to find someone with a passion that extends beyond his career and investments. Maybe he’ll paint abstract art for us to talk about, maybe he’ll take inspirational photographs and I can sweet talk him into photographing my dogs, or maybe he’ll play a mean guitar or can reteach me how to play the piano. I like the depth of personality that comes out of a person when they are in the midst of his or her passion. I want to have that kind of inspiration around me.
- Kindness - I want to find someone who will at least partially share my soft heartedness for catastrophes like the earthquake / tsunami in Japan and abandoned animals. I want him to inspire me to be kinder. I want us to speak about things that matter, and to have those things truly matter to both of us. I want to talk about ways we can change the world together, and really mean it.
- Exercise - I want him to run with me, to push me to do better, and to cheer me on when I push my personal limits. I want to train for our next half-marathon together. If he likes to ride a bike and can help me buy my first one… even better!
- Cooking - Well, at the very least, I want him to enjoy eating what I cook if the kitchen isn’t his favorite place. I don’t cook nearly as much as I wish I would for just myself, and I look forward to having an enthusiastic test taster.
So I’m working on all of these things myself too. I have uncovered my sewing machine recently and have unlocked some creative gold as my sister and I start a business together. This is a piece of news that I am so excited about, and I will definitely post more as things get finalized.
Right now we’re working on hilarious things, you know, like a business name. Things like that become more hysterical when you work on them with the single person who was your arch-enemy as a child and has become one of your best friends. You know one another deeply, but don’t really fully understand all of the potential and amazing skills they possess.
So creativity is at the top of my list right now, but I’ll work on the rest of it too.
Thanks to all of you for rejoining me on this little blog. If I haven’t said it recently, I’m glad you’re here and I can’t wait to share what happens next.
My brand of “revolution” is softer than some, but it carries one hell of a big stick
Posted: March 9, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »Disclaimer: I’ve struggled with this post quite a bit. Not because I didn’t know what to write, but because I don’t make a habit of blogging about other people with details about anything meaningful or identifiable. So I’ve written and rewritten pieces of this post on Valentine’s Day and all of its implications more than a few times. But in my revisions, I realized that my outlook on the last few months – not to mention my future – has changed dramatically as I have reflected through writing.
Anyway… if you know me, you know that in the fall, someone who had once been a very important part of my life and I decided to try our hand at making it work one more time. In January, it fell apart after we put on our best game faces, tried without REALLY putting ourselves on the line, brought our families and the respective holidays into this mess of a scam and as it turns out we failed in the end. Disappointment, while fairly expected, ensued. And my heart met that disappointment in the road, faced it head on and basically just shrugged… after a day, at least. I guess when I really thought about things, it was no surprise that things fell apart (the end had been happening since the beginning), and it was time to spend my energy and wasted love on something better.
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So, gosh, it’s been almost a month since Chelsea blogged about and encouraged women everywhere to plan their own Valentine’s Revolutions. Her invitation to use the holiday of love to treat myself came with significant timing for me, and I accepted. I accepted not because I was recently single, but because I was celebrating being single… the most single I’ve been in a long time. Maybe ever.
You see… after this most recent break-up disappointment, I realized that I could not remember a time in which a relationship wasn’t just starting, happening, dying its slow death, or I was thinking about someone with whom I wanted a chance – another or otherwise. And now I find myself so single without a thought about what might come next, or even what I want to come next, that I’m filled with hope and renewed energy to be as unapologetically me as possible. And as I thought about how I wanted to celebrate this revolution on February 14, I decided that I first needed to start acting like I was worth being and treating with love and respect.
Are you like me and put things off when you’re single until you’re attached to someone else? You know, things like wearing cute pajamas, cleaning the makeup out of my bathroom sink, using the “good sheets,” and drinking a nice bottle of wine. When I’m all by myself in my house, it’s not as important for me to do those things, and like, say, make a fresh pot of coffee every morning… just for me. Those are things that I guess somehow I decide aren’t necessary for JUST me, but things that I’ll wait to do again until I am in the process of convincing another (hopefully cute) human being that I do all the time and am a normal person who goes about her normal life of fresh coffee, clean sheets and a makeup-free bathroom sink without an ounce of regard for who may or may not be watching.
When I ask the next potential great love to come over for dinner and a movie at my place for the first time: I’m damn well going to be sure that there are no dirty dishes in my sink, that he believes that my white bath mats are always that clean, that my sheets always smell amazing and that they are changed often and that I don’t reuse the same ratty plastic game day cup for a week’s worth of waters on my bedside table. Why the heck aren’t I loving myself enough to realize the stress-free feeling that having no dirty dishes in my sink when I walk in the door after work provides? Why shouldn’t I enjoy the feeling and delightful smell of clean sheets more often? Why don’t I get to watch a movie by candlelight with a good bottle of wine once in a while?
The fact is: I am so much more than worth all of these things. I damn well deserve them.
So for Valentine’s Day this year, I cooked one heck of a dinner for two very close friends and had a mini dinner party. We talked a lot, laughed more and enjoyed what life is really supposed to be all about, along with some wine. I bought some new things for my house because having things of beauty and comfort in my home is important to me. I got new bedding and added some throw pillows to my bed. I got rid of some clutter that was dragging me down because it held memories of a life that was never going to be, and that “stuff” made me feel like I was missing out on something when the reality is that I have every opportunity to make this life what I want it to be… without waiting for someone who is simply never going to truly just show up.
Now I light candles more often, I go to bed early with a glass of wine just to escape in my latest book, and I spend extra time outside with the dogs because it’s good for all of us. I fluff the pillows on the couch at night and fold the blankets, I use actual glass glasses on my nightstand, and I give myself facials a lot.
So, while I took Chelsea’s invitation to revolutionize Valentine’s Day this year seriously, and I did some things that were so good for my soul in the moment, I also decided that I am done waiting for my “real,” “good,” or “worthy” life to arrive. It’s here, and it’s all mine. Tonight I’m drinking wine from a good wine glass, and you know what… it kind of tastes better.
This Valentine’s Day I gave myself a reminder about what I alone want out of this life. And I reminded myself about how grateful I am… for so, so much. The truth of the matter is that I love this life, and its high time I start acting like it.
HEY there! I’ve missed you guys more than you know
Posted: February 28, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »It’s been a really embarrassingly long time since I’ve posted to my blog. And in that time, I’ve had so many things to write about… because I’ve had so many things to think about. In my time away, I remain connected to the blogging world – probably even more than when I’m contributing to that community – because I read and absorb and internalize the stories of other bloggers – stories that I relate to. And I vow that I will start writing what’s real to me from here on out. Because I haven’t been doing that, but I want to share, I want to continue to learn, but I also want to contribute. Because, really, when have I ever been a quiet observer?
So, please bear with me while I make some changes to the site. But I’m here, and I’m engaged, and I’m ready to write. There is just way too much good not to.
First up… my Valentine’s Day Revolution courtesy of Chelsea Talks Smack. Get ready.
Wise Words and My Struggle to be Positively Present
Posted: August 9, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »One of my favorite blogs: Positively Present posted this today. It is just an example of what is regularly posted to this blog – thoughtful, inspirational and provoking pieces on how we can each take small steps to improve our lives, outlooks and relationships. I adore this blog, and sincerely think you will too.
This particular one – in case you haven’t clicked over to read it yet – entitled “How to Create a Strong Bond with the One You Love. And so much of it rings true, but what struck me the most was the closing paragraph. The paragraph in which the author expresses regret for the great loves in the world that have ultimately turned sour.
It got me thinking about some of my “great loves,” and one in particular, and moreover, how unfortunate it was that it ultimately turned so sour I actually hate to think about it often. What I experienced in the early days of that relationship were what I would guess are the heart-wrenching, marvelous feelings of truly passionate love. And what remains of those feelings today are only distant memories and regret.
I can’t help but wonder if we (but mostly I) would have taken some of the advice to forming and maintaining a strong bond, if it would have expanded to a larger, more compassionate and all-encompassing love. The kind of love I hope for someday.
In the end, I guess I’ll never know. But I am inspired to try harder to nurture the bond of love the next time.
How True…
Posted: July 17, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »I’ve found some truths recently that have resonated strongly with me.
First, The Daily Love (@thedailylove on twitter… do yourself a favor and follow!) posted this tweet today: You create the outcome of your life with the choices u make in the present. Make better choices, have a better life.
I love that sentiment because it reminds me that I’m doing the right thing. Sometimes I get down on myself and question some decisions I’ve made. Mostly decisions I’ve made to cut people out of my life. But I’m so very satisfied with where I am right now, even though there is plenty of room to grow. So, my present choices are creating a better life. If The Daily Love says it is so, it is so! (In any case, it makes me feel more confident so I’m going with it!)
Second, one of my favorite blogs (and she happens to be local!) posted this and I definitely thought it was worth sharing.
Please pass it along yourselves if you are so inclined. It’s powerful information worth taking to heart. And then, do say thanks. It’s all about gratitude… it makes the world a better place!
Goals Accomplished… Lessons Learned
Posted: June 8, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »It’s been a long time since I posted something, and I’ve missed blogging! There have been so many times recently that made me think – hey, I oughta write about this! Unfortunately, well… I haven’t. So I’m going to try to catch you all up on those random moments.
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I ran my very first 10K last weekend. Now, I know that I will never be a fast runner. And I really am okay with that. With that knowledge, though, I probably should have picked a bigger race (population-wise) than a little ol’ variety that my tiny hometown has to offer. Moral of the story… I came in last. (And to be honest, I find that to be pretty darn funny.) It was fun, though, and I’m still proud of myself for doing it. It was especially relieving to have those 6.2 miles behind me for the first time in a race – and the donut at the end didn’t exactly hurt either. And, most importantly, it was absolutely priceless to have my nephew cheering for me at the finish line. That kid gets me every time!
The other day I had a rare moment of reflection, and I wanted to look back upon old communications with people who were once very, very important to me. For whatever reason, sometimes a girl just needs to know that life is moving in the right direction, and that she’s better off for letting go. Plus, it never hurts to experience the humility that always comes [for me, at least] with reading the slightly (or not) insensitive / inarticulate / cold-hearted-bitchy comments you once thought were appropriate to spew upon someone you “love.” Can I get an “oops!?” I consider those types of F-ups to be learning experiences, and hope that when I stumble upon some true love [whatever that means] someday, I will remember those statements and “use my words” differently. Eh, anyways… learn baby, learn baby, learn.
Today, one of my favorite tweeters: YourTango posted the adorable 5 Things Pets Can Teach Us About Relationships. These two little nuggets have taught me all 5… and many, many more.
Other crap:
My Own Advice to my “Favorite Ex-Boyfriend” Smacks Me Upside the Head…
Posted: April 16, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: long way, love Leave a comment »
I am a firm believer that ex-boyfriends and girlfriends can take the prefixes off their former titles and become… just friends. There are definitely exceptions to this belief, however, and there is no possible way that I will ever be friends with several of my own ex-boyfriends. For me, a combination of time, forgiveness and compatible social styles leads to the possibility of purely platonic post-love [or at least post-you-saw-eachother-naked] friendship.
It’s a tricky landscape, though, for sure. It’s not fail-safe, and there is also bound to be plenty [PLENTY] of awkwardness. But in the relationships I’ve recovered post-breakup, it has been totally worth it. If you think about it, both you and your ex sincerely [hopefully] cared about one another to the exception of most others for a significant, or insignificant, amount of time. Once the initial hurt goes away, it makes perfect sense that your compassion for one another will continue to exist.
I’ve recently worked to restore a friendship with one of my recent ex-boyfriends, and I found that it was so refreshing to just get caught up. To hear about what is new with his family (because you know you got attached to them too!), to follow-up on plans he started planning when we were together, and to learn more about what he’s doing with the house we once shared. And while we don’t spend much time together, knowing that any previous hard feelings are healed makes me feel good and like I have gained another healthy relationship in my life. I also feel more grown up for being able to put petty emotional issues aside for a greater good.
I’ve also had a long-term friendship with someone very special to me who ended up being a fairly short-term boyfriend [twice]. He doesn’t live anywhere near me now, but we keep in touch. Usually we talk about the issues in our current relationships and hash out what is going wrong.
It’s comforting to talk to him because he knows intimately what I am like in a relationship. He “gets my shit,” if you will. He put in some time holding my hand as I navigated it, and he heard about it when I needed to talk. And, as a typical guy, he oftentimes tried to fix it. I have so much respect and compassion for him that it truly makes my heart hurt when I hear about some silly girl not appreciating the things that make him so special. [And, yes, I realize and have admitted to him that I was once one of those silly girls.]
A few weeks ago, during our typical current-relationship-status banter, in an effort to accurately describe all of the good things I wish for him, I told him that he was my favorite ex-boyfriend and he deserved much better than he was receiving. He returned the favor and told me I was his favorite ex-girlfriend… although I don’t believe him. Seriously, this guy is really pretty awesome and he’s had some pretty kick-ass girlfriends!
In any case, my advice to him included all of the following sentiments: I care about you; you are an amazing person; you have a lot to offer someone who will appreciate you; and you should settle for nothing less than someone who makes you feel wanted, special, needed, appreciated, and like the amazing human being that you are, at all times. On both good and bad days.
And here I sit, two weeks later, and I realize I am going to get all of those things too. Life is too short to waste it on people who treat you any other way.
This sentiment was only reinforced in a recent conversation I had with my family at Easter. After my sister’s first date as a freshman in high school, my mom reminded her that she came home pretty disappointed in her date’s behavior. [And from my perspective, knowing who this doucher was... I'm not surprised!] Apparently, he didn’t “treat her like the princess” she felt he was supposed to. I mean, he was lucky enough to take an amazing girl like her out on the [our very small hometown in which everyone sees, hears, and knows all] town. He couldn’t be bothered to open a door for her, or pick up his own napkins at Godfather’s Pizza! In short, she expected to be treated like a princess [even at 14, she knew what she deserved!], she wasn’t, and she wasn’t going out with this guy again! I love her for that. And I love that story for teaching me a very important lesson many years later.
We all know what we deserve. It’s probably time we demand it, don’t you think? And in return, I will give the guy who treats me like I deserve to be treated the exact same thing.
